Ah, it’s that time again. Whenever I have something on my mind that I’d like to let off, I blog it…especially if in a situation where your side isn’t being heard or taken seriously. Even when people aren’t acting right, my “diary” never fails me.
Forgiveness has little to do with loving you. Forgiveness has everything to do with loving myself enough to refrain from clouding my mind of harsh thoughts or negativity, removing the possibility of being bitter or wishing ill will.
I forgive you not for your approval but for my own heart’s satisfaction. Refusing to forgive you would result in the inability to trust anyone else, even without them committing an infraction against me. I don’t want to be in a place where I’m beating myself up over the whats, whys, and hows…nor do I wish to be riddled with guilt for your own failure to be honest with me. No one of this world is perfect, but forgiving you makes my soul feel perfect, my sanity, flawless.
Whether we forgive someone or not, never allow yourself to be placed in a position where they push you towards forgetting. It’s not only important to protect your sanity, but protect your heart as well. Forgiveness is handing you the gun & simply walking away; forgetting is handing you the gun, with bullets, and drawing a target on my body, directing you on where to shoot and waiting….
For my own sanity’s sake, forgiveness is paramount.
For my own sanity’s sake, forgetting doesn’t even rank.
In the wee hours of the morning, I received a message from a 20 year old aspiring blogger who looks up to me, but was advised by a “friend” of hers that she should look elsewhere, due to her own opinions of me and my past. I normally don’t entertain questions/comments that come in my inbox referencing things like this, but the girl who wrote to message said that she felt defeated, and I couldn’t leave her stranded (speaking of what I won’t entertain…for the love of God, please stop sending me that nude camera phone pic that’s floating around tumblr. I’ll gladly link y’all to it bc my fucks are null and I REALLY wish you guys would stop linking me to it like I care. I have officially linked you. I know what my naked body looks like. Again, I don’t care that it’s being passed around. So stop).
Anyway, I’m posting this again today so that all of you who were sleep can see it. Look man, I don’t want anything in life but to be happy, healthy, and successful. My past is extremely unsavory but guess what? I’m still here. If you rock with me in spite of, YOU are the real MVP, not me. I’m very fortunate to have removed myself from my circumstances and even more fortunate that I didn’t allow myself to grovel in any of it. Even though I’m nowhere near where I’d like to be in life, I AM a success story. And while I probably ain’t the best one to ask about how to constantly maintain a perfect moral compass, I think that I’m definitely one folks could look to on agreeing to make a positive change in your life and sticking to it.
I’m Jia. About 8 years ago, I worked in adult entertainment. During that time, I abused drugs….sometimes alcohol…but the worst abuse at my own hands was the abuse of my mind, spirit, and body. I had people who are on my friends list RIGHT NOW who had been friends of mine for years and they turned their back on me, judging me with our mutual friends (I forgive but I never forget). Through it all, my immediate family absolutely wagged their fingers at me….PRIVATELY…but always made it a point to form a united “you not finna talk about my child/sister” front PUBLICLY. My immediate family forgave me years ago, as did God. It’s a mutha fucking shame that some of you feel that you’re somehow above EITHER of those two. If you have something against me or can’t wait for me to get piss you off so you can “put me in my place with reminders,” you have the option to unfollow. But I refuse to live my life avoiding people and opportunity because YOU don’t think I’m deserving when my GOD decided at birth that I’m MORE than worthy. I don’t live my life for anyone but it’s amazing how many of you feel that I should. And Im gonna go with no, final answer.
Full question + response HERE.
A few years ago, I did a blog post stressing the importance of knowing your worth. Although the message was directed towards bloggers, the premise of the message itself could easily be applied to anything.
I have to send out another reminder for you guys, just in case you forgot or are too scared to place value in yourself as a brand. A few days ago, I received an email from a publicity company (whose name I’ll leave out of this b/c I know how ruthless some of my followers can be). In their message, they included a link to download their artist’s mixtape, making references to doing a possible write up on my blog while linking my readers to their artists music.
19 year old girl commits suicide after filming an adult movie and being taunted online about it.
I’m a Cancer and I “feel” things. When someone dies so young or tragically, I always wish that I could’ve done something to help. If they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, I always wish that I would’ve had their number or something to ask them not to go there and hang out with me instead. In this instance, I wish I could’ve talked to her before she made the decision to visit that adult film company.
Start with the smallest and work your way to the tallest.
Got an email in reference to The Weave Review asking why didn’t I complete it when I first announced it.