Be Thankful When You’re Spared

Very rarely do I talk about my relationships. Yes, every now and then, I might hit you guys with the hee on a bad sexual “fling,” but when it’s time to dish about someone that I’m actually involved in a relationship with or at least getting to know, I rarely speak on it. It’s cute to bring up the “little” things every now and then (mainly for the amusement of your friends watching your blush) but it never goes beyond small talk. I have a reason.

I think that loyalty and love are scarce these days. No matter what type of man or woman you may be, no matter your sexual preference, there seems to be a lack of general respect when it comes to like, love and involvement.

Have you ever found yourself involved in a situation/relationship with someone that just never worked out? It seems that when you were planning to be together for a rendezvous or trying to find a quick fix to what seems to be a hole in the fabric that binds you, it just never came together? Sometimes it is bad timing but in most cases, you were spared.

I know that I don’t really talk religion much here b/c I am NOT a religious person; I do, however, have faith in God and a relationship with Him that I don’t feel the need to define with anyone. Because of this relationship, I also believe in His divine intervention. And this doesn’t just happen in like/love. Have you ever found yourself taking another route home from work or after a few hours of running errands, only to find that the route you would’ve normally took experienced a major accident of some sort. Or even something as simple as going to a vending machine and while you were trying to decide what you wanted, you let someone go ahead of you….only to find that when they put their dollar in the machine, the shit got stuck? Okay, so maybe God doesn’t step in for issues that small but I say all that to say that we should all be grateful when we’re spared.

No one likes to experience bullshit and heartache. I have found myself on the receiving end of people’s pathetic lies and bullshit, crying and asking “Why me,” when the truth of the matter is, I’m usually “cleared” from the fire before the dust actually has a chance to settle. This particular situation….there were so many things that I “saw,” some signs that were obvious, others not as obvious. Each and every time I tried to find a work around or a simple solution, I instead found that there was none. I didn’t “get it,” but once the smoke finally cleared, I was able to see that it didn’t work itself out because it was never meant to.

I am by no means a perfect person. I have fell short in terms of my treatment of other people. But one thing that I have always been extremely proud of is my ability to respect the fact that no matter how badly I may want someone, I never want them bad enough to disrespect myself or another person. I’ve come close but only after being told that I was “it,” and that there was nothing to worry about. When I’d make attempts to spend more time, become intimate or communicate certain things with this new found like/love, there were just some things that I was never able to work out. And it was because I was spared.

Although we all have a tendency to ignore the small pebbles that lead up to the big rock from time to time (c. Oprah), I am TOO grateful for the opportunities in life when God has laid the smack down across my face (fuck your pebbles and big rocks) letting me know when I’m being out of line. It feels even better when He gives me this “smack” and it seems to (re)balance my emotions…the things that I once gave a fuck about are no longer of importance. I was spared…and that’s all that matters.

And I’m grateful to have been spared for the one who deserves every part of me the most…..

  • JaYiZmEe

    Wow thats actually what I needed to hear….being that I was just in a “situation” recently with someone, and of course it didnt go the way I would have liked it to go reading this actually gave me the “ah hah” moment that Oprah seems to talk about all the time, and in that being said I know I’ve been spared many times just looking back at a lot of things that did not go as I may have wanted it to go, I’m definitely grateful. Thanks Jia for this!

  • Khloe

    New to She So Fly. Great post Jia! I am a strong believer in being spared. About a month ago, this guy was trying his hardest to make a relationship work between us & it just wouldn’t but I believe a higher power was sparing him from ME!

    Btw, love you on twitter – you’re a hoot! Be blessed.

  • Nessa

    It’s easy to forget this because It’s so much easier to remember all the reasons why you want that person. Sometimes my desire outweighs my common sense so I tend to miss the signs God throws at me until its big enough that Stevie Wonder tells me that I’m blind as a bat. I’m working on that part of me though, slowly but surely.

  • blasianFMA

    I need to work on myself. Though I don’t fall in like/love with people very much at all, I need to realize that I have a lack of self respect when it comes to giving my all while the other person isn’t giving back. I’m a fixer though and like to play “savior” and on top of all of that, I really just like this guy.

    Glad to know that you have been blessed and spared. I, on the other hand, have been “going through” for the last year and a half. Sucks, but I’m sure SOMEwhere down this line I’ll figure it out.

    Good post.

  • Jia

    Thank you Khloe.

    Yes be happy that you were spared. Seriously. Being spared now and not understanding it is better than going through some unnecessary bullshit with someone and being hurt along the way.

  • Jia

    You definitely remember all the “good” things but for me, the stuff that I heard….like all the deceit and bullshit was enough to make me forget about ALL the good. After I heard about this person’s betrayal and the unnecessary lies they told, I was more than willing to say “we can’t even be friends.” Like….this person is pathetic. I had NO clue. Wanna talk about being blindsided? But it’s all good. I was spared. That person is now someone else’s problem.

  • Yeezyswhyitweet

    Jia…this made me cry…thanks for this…

  • SincerelyGo

    [awwww, Jia's so cute.]

    Wow, this is true and also a motivational pick me upper for a recent situation.On a totally unrelated situation I blogged about a young woman that was murdered by her husband in TX. The girl I went to college with, the guy I worked with and had a crush on. Because he was so shy and I’m not very aggressive we only talked at work and I think I dropped him off at home once. I didnt know they were married until I saw them on FB and then a few years later this story hit the headlines. Talk about spared. Good Post Jia.


  • DANJ!

    I can dig it… you spoke some real rap here.

    That’s how I try to look at things. I’ve def. had some stuff go awry, and felt kinda disappointed that things didn’t go the way I wanted ‘em to. It’s not that I regret it and dwell on it all the time, but I do tend to think of how it coulda/woulda/shoulda gone another way. Still, as you said, I’m sure there’s a number of those instances where I should be glad it didn’t.

    My biggest issue has been in the relationship field. I’ve had some of THEE wackest luck in that area. BUT I can say there’s a few girls that I was prob’ly better off for not fukkin’ with, and I was def. spared by things not workin’ out. Sometimes, there’s even a bit of redemption in it- to me, nothin’ beats seein’ that one you were all crazy over, and then seein’ that they fell the FUCK off. That might not do it for everybody, but it does it for me. There’s this one girl on my Facebook right now- I know her and her baby’s father- and she did me dirrrrty back in the day. But seein’ her now? I think to myself every now and then, “wow, I dodged a bullet there- I coulda been in THAT nigga’s shoes right now”. Of course, some of ‘em turned out to be quite alright, and in those cases, I just gotta cut my losses. And it doesn’t just stop at looks- some of them have seriously gone on to be some fukked-up individuals all the way around.

    So I guess it’s just a matter of takin’ the bad with the good in life. Some stuff is just an unfortunate loss that we all gotta go through at some point, and some can be the best loss ever, because it prevented us from something fucked up later down the line… so goes life.

    -D! (my bad for postin’ a blog inside your blog, but you know how we roll since MySpace days, haha)

  • lilioohpyt

    I loved this post! I read all the comments before mine and it seems as though I have hit the age range of non-commitment zone (i’m 24), what in the world? Is it impossible to find someone about their business that is interested in a relationship now a days or do you have to constantly keep looking over your back because your other half is coo coo, a serial cheater, or just got too much going on? idk, but it doesnt look good.