Very rarely do I talk about my relationships. Yes, every now and then, I might hit you guys with the hee on a bad sexual “fling,” but when it’s time to dish about someone that I’m actually involved in a relationship with or at least getting to know, I rarely speak on it. It’s cute to bring up the “little” things every now and then (mainly for the amusement of your friends watching your blush) but it never goes beyond small talk. I have a reason.
I think that loyalty and love are scarce these days. No matter what type of man or woman you may be, no matter your sexual preference, there seems to be a lack of general respect when it comes to like, love and involvement.
Have you ever found yourself involved in a situation/relationship with someone that just never worked out? It seems that when you were planning to be together for a rendezvous or trying to find a quick fix to what seems to be a hole in the fabric that binds you, it just never came together? Sometimes it is bad timing but in most cases, you were spared.
I know that I don’t really talk religion much here b/c I am NOT a religious person; I do, however, have faith in God and a relationship with Him that I don’t feel the need to define with anyone. Because of this relationship, I also believe in His divine intervention. And this doesn’t just happen in like/love. Have you ever found yourself taking another route home from work or after a few hours of running errands, only to find that the route you would’ve normally took experienced a major accident of some sort. Or even something as simple as going to a vending machine and while you were trying to decide what you wanted, you let someone go ahead of you….only to find that when they put their dollar in the machine, the shit got stuck? Okay, so maybe God doesn’t step in for issues that small but I say all that to say that we should all be grateful when we’re spared.
No one likes to experience bullshit and heartache. I have found myself on the receiving end of people’s pathetic lies and bullshit, crying and asking “Why me,” when the truth of the matter is, I’m usually “cleared” from the fire before the dust actually has a chance to settle. This particular situation….there were so many things that I “saw,” some signs that were obvious, others not as obvious. Each and every time I tried to find a work around or a simple solution, I instead found that there was none. I didn’t “get it,” but once the smoke finally cleared, I was able to see that it didn’t work itself out because it was never meant to.
I am by no means a perfect person. I have fell short in terms of my treatment of other people. But one thing that I have always been extremely proud of is my ability to respect the fact that no matter how badly I may want someone, I never want them bad enough to disrespect myself or another person. I’ve come close but only after being told that I was “it,” and that there was nothing to worry about. When I’d make attempts to spend more time, become intimate or communicate certain things with this new found like/love, there were just some things that I was never able to work out. And it was because I was spared.
Although we all have a tendency to ignore the small pebbles that lead up to the big rock from time to time (c. Oprah), I am TOO grateful for the opportunities in life when God has laid the smack down across my face (fuck your pebbles and big rocks) letting me know when I’m being out of line. It feels even better when He gives me this “smack” and it seems to (re)balance my emotions…the things that I once gave a fuck about are no longer of importance. I was spared…and that’s all that matters.
And I’m grateful to have been spared for the one who deserves every part of me the most…..