That’s a question that you hear often when a relationship (or “situation”) has ended due to someone else’s misconduct or negligence.
One thing that I will say about myself is that it took me YEARS to learn how to be a friend. I’m still not perfect and have my days where I just don’t feel like being bothered with anyone (Hey…blame the #Cancer in me). I shut things out and I just do me for a day (or three). That doesn’t mean I don’t care at all. But check me out this time three to five years ago and you probably wouldn’t have wanted to fuck with me.
Because I NOW know what it’s like to not only be neglected as a friend but to also do a lot of the hurt and betraying AS a friend, I hold my friends in pretty high regard. If I call you a friend, consider yourself special b/c it’s not a title that I hand off without regard and it definitely can take a while for someone to earn it.
So why is it that when someone seems to go out of their way (in a relationship) to treat you as though you’re less than human, as though they wouldn’t think twice about you if you were to die tomorrow…that they ask you when you finally decide to let it go….“Can we at least still be friends?”
I don’t know if people choose to ask this because they are following some textbook mantra for filling dead air or if they really feel that you’re that fucking stupid.
You disrespected me…you hit me…you lied to me…you treated me like dirt. You weren’t honest, you gave away emotions…and after all this betrayal (give or take), you somehow think that I’d want to, at minimum, call you my friend?
People should learn to take a more realistic approach to the termination of a relationship. While I’m sure that no one purposely sets out to be the bad guy/girl and have a relationship fail, the fact is it happens. Because we live in a world where no one’s perfect, MOST relationships will always have an ending point. And sometimes it’s best to simply accept the fact that it is over, rather than attempting to save it because you seem to think asking for friendship is what you’re suppose to do…almost as though it’s protocol.
Friends…I hold them in a high regard. This doesn’t speak much of my expectations but again, if I open myself up and call you my friend, it’s because you’re special to me. The mature me wouldn’t lie to you, wouldn’t cheat you, wouldn’t purposely do anything to hurt your feelings. I’ll communicate with you when something goes awry and if you need me, I’ll be there. In a relationship, if you violate any of those things, how am I to trust you as my friend? Why is it acceptable for you to insist that I put my faith in you as a friend when I couldn’t even trust you enough to do the right thing as my lover?
I guess this wouldn’t be applicable if the termination of a relationship was a mutual decision where both of you CHOSE to walk away but in situations of repeated (HUGE) lies and infidelity, friendship (at least for me) is not an option.
I go into every relationship with an open mind; I trust you until you give me a reason not to. I won’t blame you for the mistakes of other people but will routinely keep my eye out when you begin showing signs indicating that you MIGHT be heading down the same path. But if there is ever a time when you feel that you can disrespect my commitment to you, scratch friendship off the option box because it no longer exists for you.