Guilty as charged

How many of you are willing to admit your own flaws? I know that I’ve talked about mine several times on the blog. I think that the emphasis on your flaws is the best thing to help you realize what you need to do change them.

Although I usually don’t like admitting to my parents that they were right about something, as an adult, I’ve found that almost everything that they told me way back when (and I didn’t understand) has been nothing but truth.

Case in point? You can’t trust everybody….

One of my faults, if you will, is that I really do believe in giving a person my trust until they prove to me that they can’t be trusted. By default, I’ve always been that Cancer that has no issues with sharing details about my life and personal things if I feel comfortable with a person. My parents always told me that everybody who appears to be your friend on the surface really isn’t. And even if they spend a lot of time making you feel as though they’re your friend, going above and beyond what you’d consider exceptional behavior for someone vying for your trust, they may not be everything that you’d hope they would be.

I usually stay away from blogging about things that happen on social network in terms of drama and bullshit b/c this blog was created for me to talk about real life stuff. However, some of the goings on of Twitter over the last couple weeks have really opened my eyes and made me realize that even with some of these bonds that you form with folks on various social networking sites, it’s not always the real thing. And in seeing some of the things that I’ve seen, it’s made me take a hard look at how I associate with people. There are a lot of things about me that can’t be taken back but how do you pull yourself out of the water if you’re already at the point of drowning?

I’ve met so many people (both online and off) who I’d like to think are my friends. But when I witness them doing questionable things to other people, I’m left wondering what in the world makes me so different? What would disqualify me from being on the receiving end of your bullshit?

I’d hate to be the one to put up a guard just because of a handful of people are becoming habitual line steppers. I dunno if you guys do it b/c you crave internet popularity or if it’s really a part of the person that you are. At any rate, if I can’t trust you (whether it’s based on what you’ve done to me OR what I’ve SEEN you do to other people), you can bet that our relationship will dwindle to associate….quick.

How do you handle people that are in your lives already that you just realized can’t be trusted? Do you continue associating yourself with them on the strength of tenure? Do you only keep your associations simple and cute without a full cut off? Or do you cut your losses b/c you just don’t want to deal with the dumb shit?

  • niki

    I keep it cordial. They didn’t personally slight me but I know they’re capable. I don’t want no problems concerning being “exposed”. It’s happened to me before, TWICE. It doesn’t feel good. So once I find out you’re capable of messy shit I stop telling you anything that I don’t want the world to know. I’ll let you tell me everything though. I don’t pride myself on keeping secrets for.leverage but it helps when they wanna get outta pocket. You spill my whites in a puddle of mud I’ll throw bleach on your darks.

  • Culture

    For me personally, If I can’t trust you then theres no reason for me to be your friend. It will be more of a hi and bye thing. If I don’t trust someone, it makes me uncomfortable and I feel like I have censor every thing that comes out of my mouth. So I rather get rid of the person and tell them personally that I no longer want to be friends with them or want them around.

  • fabdogooder

    when I was in high school and some of college it was easier for me to cut my losses and put up with stuff. But now at 31 I just can not invest energy into anyone that I KNOW can potentially hurt me (friendships, romantic relationships, business relationships). Now, it’s really easy for me to disassociate myself from people. Because I have been hurt so much by people that I cared about. I don’t take anymore chances with sharing my “time” with people. Maybe this is not the healthiest way to handle my relationships, but for now it helps me to push forward. I just feel like life is too short and our time here is too precious to allow people to waste it.

  • MsWalton

    I refuse to associate with people that I can’t trust. I don’t care how long I’ve known you nor do I care about “saving face”. Once I can’t trust you, we are DONE! No need to keep a bunch of folks around you can’t trust just because. If they cared about their relationship with you, they wouldn’t cross the line, let alone consistently cross the line.

  • http://@LetThatGurlCook A-Z

    When it comes to people who have proven themselves over and over again, I keep them at a distance. As a Cancer, I have difficulty completely cutting off people, however I’m very good at keeping them at a distance. I won’t divulge any information to them, however I will keep it cordial with them when they’re around. I think in your situation, if someone has shown their hand when it comes to other people it will only be a matter of time before they do it to you. So just be mindful of them and their past indiscretions, and keep it light

  • Waterboy

    Its hard to cut people off totally so I think that in most cases its best to deal with people like that on a limited or situational basis and with knowledge of what u can share or do with or around thrm

  • ChknQueen

    If you’re fake, a liar or can’t be trusted, I immediately chunk up the deuces. There’s no point in keeping a relationship that’s toxic close to you when there’s no real point in letting in live, except to keep wearing you out. Truth is, I’d rather be friend-less than to have hella’ people in my life who are full of shit and doing more damage than actual edifying. History doesn’t matter, truth does. if we’ve been friends for hella’ long, and they mess it up for whatever reason causing me to evaluate our friendship/relationship, then it’s time to call it quits.

  • A.Smith86

    The worst thing I ever did in life was watch an individual treat people a certain way and assume, purposefully or naively, I can’t be too sure, that they would never do it to me, because when they did do it to me, I was blindsided and had no one to blame but myself.

    And so I do check for how you treat other people and I feel like even if you don’t EVER treat me that way, the possibility is still there. That’s with anything. If you’ll do it once, you’ll probably do it again. Not to mention that generally, I want to associate with and be in close friendships with people of a certain integrity and if you’re of the type to just treat any ol’ body like sh*t, that’s not integrity and off rip I’m not too willing to keep knowing you.

    So for me, I don’t completely disassociate from someone when I see them treating others in a foul manner, but I do keep a watch out. Little things take on a bigger meaning with me and the first glimpse that things are/might be/could be headed the wrong way and I’m out.

    Ginuwine was right on the money when he asked “what’s so different?”

  • kgibson75

    i just recently had to cut some one off due to her runnin her mouth about my business to someone else. My mother always told me that if I didnt want my business in the street then I ought not make it street business. Of course I thought I could trust her but it didnt take long for her to show her ass. I cut off all communication (except at work, unfortunately I work with her). Keepin nothing but profeesional. I treat ex boyfriends the same, and no we cant be friends.

  • Passynbi

    Jia, your bullshyt-o-meter went haywire for good reason. You are logical & Queen of the Sideeye…so…just deal accordinly, keep it light & friendly, & trust & believe in who the person REALLY is you’re dealing with & not the fugazee ass representative they send. They are who they are & will be who they will be, so let them be…exactly who they are. Don’t trust them as far as you can see them & keep your BSO tuned up. Don’t let the wanksters catch you slippin’. Don’t fault yourself for trusting folk either. Some of us just can’t help ourselves w/the no judgement zone mentality, but just remember, actions speak volumes!