It’s 4:38 in the morning. I should be in bed. I COULD be in bed. But instead, I’m up thinking about business, as usual.

I’m thinking back on the day that I decided that I would try to make blogging a full time job. I didn’t have a real plan but I just knew that I had been working for somebody since I was 13 years old and I was tired of taking other people’s orders.

When I began planning what I wanted to do and how, all of my actions were, in hindsight, disorganized like shit. I knew that I needed a hosting account, I need a domain, I needed to secure photo accounts, etc. But nowhere in that plan did I sit down and really budget. I just had someone tell me the cost and proceeded to buy…checking things off the list as I went along.

I finally have a wee bit of my mojo back for Miss Jia. I think that I kinda fell off because I’m honestly stumped on where I want to take the blog. At one point, I thought that I would get a publicist and start working on my plans to really grow as a personality. However, once I thought about constantly attending events, constantly having someone in my face or being in someone else’s face, always having to wonder if that if a celebrity befriends me, is it because they like ME or if it’s because they think that I could do something for them on the blog. I started feeling all of this just as my blog came to a stand still. Even now, I don’t really know what to do b/c I don’t want to really try and be this huge media personality, but I also know that it’s quite possible to simply ‘sit’ in one spot if I don’t push myself in one direction or another.

As I begin making plans for Kill Pink, I find that I’m done a lot of the same things that I did when starting the blog. When/If I see something that I like or something that I truly feel that I could work with, I buy it. I don’t blink, I don’t think. Budget who? I just buy it. And even though those buys have proven (in a few cases) not to be what they should, I’m still rather reckless with my spending in getting this thing started.

Another thing is I just feel that I don’t have structure. Like, if there was some magic system to help me with the regular goings on of my day…something that could just let me know what I need to do and how, I feel that I’d be able to relax a little more. But right now, I feel that I’m going through all these motions and while I do have a few of the plans in place, there’s still something that’s missing for me. It’s in my organizational skills, that’s for sure.

Either or, the typical Cancer in me is having a slight panic. I feel that there’s so much that I need to do, so many things that I need to learn, nervous b/c I’m going at everything alone. Yea, I could easily get help but the problem (sometimes…most of the times) in getting help is when people don’t see your vision in the same light as you, they tend to not work as hard. Afterall, it’s not their dream they’re chasing.

Another thing that keeps playing in my head is imagining someone ask me what Kill Pink represents and what are the future plans for it. Yea, I could sound generic as hell and spew out an ‘about’ Kill Pink but I have to really take my time to talk about what it represents for me and learn how to do it without sounding scripted. I’ve also thought about the future of Kill Pink…and when the rest of the world evolves, where exactly do I want KP to stand in it all.

Yes, I desperately need organization. I also probably need to sit down and do a business plan for Kill Pink. I didn’t do it for Miss Jia; I just knew what I wanted to go in doing, what I wanted to accomplish and I put it on a single sheet of paper. I didn’t examine trends…I never said that I want to be at a specific point by a specific time. I just said, ‘Here is my blog and I’m gonna either ride it ’til the wheels fall off OR ’til I get tired of it.’

Because I want Kill Pink to work and grow, I have to get my shit together. I’ve already invested a lot of my own money in getting it started. It definitely beats the few bucks I used to start Miss Jia. But it’s time to get serious and really put MORE thought into everything that Kill Pink is to stand for or else my investments will be in vain.

If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment or shoot me an email!