I don’t think that people say ‘thank you’ enough. Honestly, I think that everyone appreciates a thank you. It sort of validates you, making you feel as though someone can relate or is paying attention.
I really thank all of you for your comments and just reaching out in general. Even though Cancers are typically the type to be somewhat private people, when it comes to my life experiences, I’ve always been open to sharing. My parents say that I tell too much, but I feel that if you share, you never know who you’re touching. We all go through things and one thing that I don’t want to do is try and depict myself as the perfect person. I have issues, I try to keep my personal life as drama free as possible (although, at times, there aren’t many ways to avoid it), and I’m human. If sharing a small aspect of that with ‘you’ will eventually help, I don’t see what the problem is.
I’m still trying to figure things out. At 32, I don’t mind admitting that my few snafus in life have me feeling the need to pick up and start over (in some capacity). I think that God has given me my whisper, but even with what I’ve heard, I’m still like “Are you sure, Sir?” And right after that, I’ll get another email, text message, Facebook message, etc. The funny thing is is that even as I started to ‘hear’ it a little, being the planner that I am, I immediately began to map things out but never once did I think “Oh I’m gonna make serious money with this.” Actually, I didn’t think of the financial reward at all…which is quite weird. Many of us choose our jobs/careers based off the bottom line..that mighty dollar. I always side eyed the hell out of people who said that they’d do what they love or were passionate about, even if the pay was not that great. I would think to myself ‘Um, yea…sure you would. Liar.’ But now, I realize what it is exactly that they mean (whoever ‘they’ may be). It makes perfect sense.
I think that God knows I’m stubborn. I find myself repeatedly asking if He’s sure. I guess I’m just a little insecure about it b/c it’d suck to go down yet another road and feel unfulfilled. I’m still going to read, still going to pray about it. Maybe He has to YELL at me. LOL
I knew that blogging wasn’t going to be something that lasted long for me. While I don’t foresee myself closing the blog down (at least not any time in the immediate future), I do know that within the next two years or so, it won’t be ‘me’ that’s controlling it. I really hate to disappoint those who have supported me for so many years…those who have always encouraged me to keep going and just do it. I’ve made great money off my blog, but I’m just not passionate about it. It doesn’t make me happy. And I feel that I will eventually worry myself to death over that and all it’s particulars…it’s just not worth it. Blogging is something that ‘fell’ in my lap (at least entertainment wise) b/c someone told me that it was a good move for me. “You’re funny! You speak your mind. You won’t hold ANYTHING back and blog readers need that.” Just like that, it sank in and I figured why not give it a go. However, as previously stated in another blog post here, if it doesn’t make ME happy…if I begin to feel as though I’m working another 9 to 5, it’s time to re-evaluate. If you’ve been a long term reader of this blog, you’ll know that I LOVE analogies. I love them because it can oftentimes help those who are slightly ‘lost’ in your thoughts.
I can compare my current frame of mind in blogging to that of a marriage where kids are involved. After putting up with a little bit of everything, the wife decides that she’s had enough. She’s unhappy and says that she wants to leave. The one thing that’s keeping her ‘in’ is the fact that the two parties involved share children together. Then finally, the wife asks aloud “Okay…but what about me? What about MY happiness?” Although it’ll hurt the kids in the long run, at the end of the day, there’s no point in staying in a situation if you’re not happy with it. Something will lack and you will no longer give your all. While I don’t consider blogging a ‘bad’ thing by any stretch of the imagination, I have found that I just don’t care anymore about celebrities. I don’t give a damn about blogging about celebrities and their come ups. Rather than worrying about theirs, I need to work on mine. At 32, the posts that I found interesting then mean nothing to me now. It’s almost a struggle to wake up in the morning and get started on my work. I find anything and everything to do before I start blogging. I’ll juice, I’ll play with/talk to my dog. I’ll do something to my hair, watch something on TV….anything to keep from getting started on it. It wasn’t like this three years ago. This time three years ago, I had an insatiable love for blogging. I thought that since I’ve always had a blog in some capacity, it’d be an easy transition for me. Then it became work. The fun was kinda zapped out of it. It was no longer about me blogging for my own pleasure, but instead, the pleasure of others. I’m extremely grateful for the following that I’ve amassed in all this, but I feel as though I’m no longer ‘serving’ my readers with what they’re looking for. When I go to a concert, an art viewing, a ‘private’ event/party, I’d MUCH rather be there as Jia, the social person who just wants to see than Miss Jia, the blogger who will have to talk about this event the next day.
It’s a little confusing, I know. I don’t hate blogging; I just feel that when you get to a point with ANYTHING in life where it’s just work and offers you absolutely no additional fulfillment, you might want to look at something else. Life is too short to waste it on what people expect of you. At some point, you have to find your own happy place, even if that means disappointing those who expected something different.
Goodnight you guys!