‘Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.’
Before a couple years ago, I had never heard this quote before. As many of you know, I have somewhat of an unsavory past that includes a lot of drugs, tons of drinking, and even a stint in the adult industry. I remember talking to a really good friend of mine and feeling as though I had nothing to live for…as though I’d never have the opportunity to do anything with myself because I temporarily bent the needle on my moral compass. As I’m crying and asking myself ‘how could you be so stupid,’ she offered me that quote. Initially, I was taken aback like ‘Hey, girl…you calling me a sinner?’ Defiling and giving my body away could indeed be considered ‘sinful,’ but I had to take in the context of what she said instead of looking at it literally or as an insult. After having that conversation, I put myself on a mission. Even though I literally had a ‘friend’ of mine ask me ‘Well, what else are you gonna do? You might as well continue on in that life because it’s pretty much curtains for you from here on out,’ I was determined to prove her and everyone else wrong.
Aww. The picture’s gone but here’s a snapshot of what my blog, MissJia.com, use to look like.
I literally took a template that I found online (pink, 3rd pic…Flourish) and changed it. As corny as it may sound, I remember literally calling my friend, Sean, and crying about how “hard” it was to change basic HTML and make it my own. At the time, I was working a job where I was making $10.75 an hour and usually working 10+ hours a day. I couldn’t afford a decent web designer, so I figured I’d try to do something myself. Not much but it wasn’t “horrible” for that time and with all considered. Over the years, however, my presentation has become a little more strict so that old look definitely wouldn’t fly with me now.
I’ve been bullshittin’ this entire weekend. No joke. Beyoncé came through and basically made me say fuck every single plan I had. I got zero work done. I didn’t get to mark a thing off my to do list. Did I mention my lease is up in approximately 30 days and I have no idea where I’m going? Oh.
But earlier today, I received a text from someone that I consider quite special asking me to give them a reminder. I saw the text as soon as I woke up, and thought to myself “Surely, I’ve written about this before.” I searched this blog from my phone for keywords and such to see if I could find something to serve as a reminder. No dice. Got on my laptop and tried to search again. Nothing. I KNOW that I’ve written about this somewhere, but I haven’t been able to find it yet. Nonetheless, I figured that she (and maybe someone else) could use this word so…here goes.
If you’re in need of a good word on what it means to be faithful, please visit my tumblr page where I reposted a story (from Facebook) of a man who literally has everything working against him and, in spite of it all, his faith in God has remained completely unmoved, as he knows that if he’s been pulled from a bad situation before, it can definitely happen again.
How many of you lose faith often? How many of you just feel like bowing down and giving up because nothing seems to go your way? If none of you are brave enough to admit it, allow me to stand up and introduce myself to the class.
Hello. My name is Jia, and at times, I have allowed “less” to enter my mind far too often.
Since the time I first made tracks on the web (I’m thinking about 98, 99?), I’ve always had somewhat of a presence. No, this presence wasn’t rooted in looks or some sort of crazy scandal. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told that I have a way with words and whether I’m trying to or not, I sort of command a certain level of attention. I even feel weird typing this out right now because it sounds more self absorbed that I’d like to sound, but I feel that it’s the best way to lead into what I’m about to say.