I changed the settings for my blogs in terms of commenting.

I’ve had a blog for I think…almost 5 years. It’s VERY rare that I get a negative comment on my blogs. Believe that or not, I just experience more positive comments or those that cause a debate more than anything else.

However, in going through and approving comments today, I realized that someone made a comment regarding my blog on deadbeat dads and actually said (and I’m paraphrasing) that it’s ‘better for a woman to have a child with a deadbeat than to abort one like you and other women do/did.’

I can’t help but to laugh b/c when people anonymously post comments such as that, create IDs for the sole purpose of being an asshole, you can’t help but to wonder how fucked up their home lives are. It’s not really for me to try and piece together but still…you can’t help but to question it.

But for entertainment purposes (and b/c it’s Friday, woot!), I will entertain that narrow minded viewpoint for a half of a second. I have been extremely open about many aspects of my life, including my decision to abort a child back in 2004. And while I do carry strong emotions regarding that decision, I will say that I definitely…without a DOUBT…did what was best for ME, that child and the sake of my own sanity b/c the father and I are NO longer together and definitely NOT on speaking terms. Even after a brief reconciliation, we fell out again b/c he is choosing to continue to be the same man that made me ridiculously SICK some five years ago. It’s not my job to try and rehabilitate a man or anyone else for that matter. Say whatever you will about the decision…I will say that for that baby’s sake, it’s a good thing that he/she is not here b/c this guy most certainly would’ve been the deadbeat that I spoke ill of HERE.

I dunno what else I have to do to prove it…maybe get it tattooed on my body via chargrilled branding but it takes a LOT to hurt my feelings. A lot! You’ve gotta come MUCH harder than throwing some shit in my face that I’ve already discussed (be it directly or indirectly) to really get under my skin.

It’s good to know that a new year has rolled around and folks are still trying! LOL!

Have a great weekend, folks!

ETA: I changed the settings back. I refuse to change the format of my blog b/c of one damn person! lol HOLLA!

I really do!

There is absolutely nothing worse than a deadbeat dad.

I know that things happen. I doubt that most women (or men) plan to have a baby together under less than ideal circumstances. But it bugs me like no other when ‘things’ do happen and suddenly, dudes just don’t want to work. They don’t want to do their part.

I can’t speak for men who are the sole providers of their children b/c even though I DO know that it exists, I don’t know anyone personally who does this.

Able bodied men (and women) should be able to take care of their children, PERIOD! I get tired of reading that someone is a single parent. I get tired of my friends or associates having to work two and three jobs to make ends meet and to be able to afford to take care of daycare.

I remember a very specific situation with someone. She found out that she was pregnant. He knew. Long story condensed, he basically told one of their mutual friends that he was going to ‘clear’ his social and make it seem like he didn’t work so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. Mind you, this dude owned two businesses. But because he didn’t want to have a baby at that moment, he decided that he’d drop off the face of the earth and not pay any support by ‘hiding’ his social. Don’t ask me how he was going to do that but just the thought of someone going to such lengths to keep from handling their responsibility sickens me.

Bottom line…if you don’t want to have to take care of a child, just don’t have sex. I can’t even say wrap it up b/c hey…how many of YOU have kids right now as the result of a busted condom? Just leave the horizontal forbidden dance for the one you plan on marrying.

Have you ever had moments in your life where…you went through something crazy that you barely like to recall? You spend years pondering over the “whys” only to find out why, later and suddenly, everything makes sense to you. Am I the only one?

Maybe I’m being somewhat confusing to you, so let me try it again….(and this scenario is extremely hypothetical)

Let’s say that, growing up, you had a family member (male or female…doesn’t matter for the sake of this story) who always came around. You wondered why they were always somewhere close by you. You and your family could move to another state and this family member would be around. They weren’t there to mooch freeload but they were always just…there. You never understood, never really questioned it. And then one day, you find out that this family member that was always around was actually one of your REAL parents. You know that “ah-haaa” feeling you’d have?

That’s the feeling I’m trying to convey now.

I TRY (operative word) not to judge people b/c I have been places and done things that I’m not quite sure God is really going to forgive me for. After experiencing many of those things, I try not to stand in judgment of others b/c a lot of times, there IS a logical explanation for certain behaviors. You might not understand it at that moment. To be honest, you may NEVER get it. But every once in a while, you’ll hear or see something that makes you gain an understanding…and everything suddenly makes sense.

This is how I feel right now.

Y’all already know that I am THE number one supporter of the Black community.

I believe that we can do anything b/c we are an amazing group of people with a dynamic that just won’t quit.

But you know what pisses me off about “us?” When some loathsome sorry ass “nigger” does something STUPID in the community and we stand behind them by posting shit like “Free ____.”

What? You serious?

You mean to tell me…that if THIS sorry ass son of a bitch can shoot THIS man in broad damn daylight just to jack his ass over some chump shit, we still need to yell out that he needs to be free?

And you wonder why America doesn’t give us any respect. Black people kill me fighting over the wrong damn thing. We get black folks who kill people for no reason (Deadre Tunstall), who molest children (R. Kelly), who abuse their wives (OJ Simpson) but continue standing behind them like its the “white man” that’s doing them wrong and holding them back from whatever success is out there. If black folks aren’t busy blaming the white man, then they’re blaming the victim….“Oh, those girls were just fast as hell. They knew what they were doing.” Or “Hmph, that white bitch probably got what she deserved. WE LOVE YOU, OJ!”

I love me some TI. But wrong is wrong. That dude had guns that even soldiers in military offices overseas don’t have. He’s going to jail. Get over it! Stop making those dumb ass “Free TI” shirts b/c he is NOT above the law!

Gucci Mayne is another one that I’ve seen a LOT of tees floating around for. I mean seriously…this man is charged with freakin’ murder. And unless his claim of ’self defense’ can be proven, he is a murderer.

For all of you who continue to be on this quest to ‘free the guilty,’ let me ask you…if it was your mother, father, sibling, or friend that one of these people committed a crime against, how quickly would you be hitting up American Apparel so your statement could be felt?

Didn’t think so….

I know that I’ve already talked about the corniness that is the most recent McDonald’s commercials.

But this one actually pissed me off. I will have to paint the picture since I can’t find it online anywhere.

A little (black) boy walks up to the McDonald’s register and says to the BLACK cashier “Are you hiring?”

Black cashier responds with “Yea but….” (obviously ‘butting’ at the boy b/c he’s a kid).

The little boy says “Now I can set my master plan in motion! Because I want to work here when I grow up b/c I know that it’s the place to be and that there is nowhere to go but up (if you work at McDonald’s)!” He then recalls how some woman he knows started working at McDonald’s but now owns about 3 of them.

Now, I’m paraphrasing but still!

What the fuck?

See, if yall don’t see the blatant shit in that! Why are you teaching our young black men that McDonald’s is the only damn way to go? While I don’t necessarily believe that college is for EVERYBODY, I still do not want our black men thinking that working a shitty ass, barely over minimum wage job is what’s poppin’!

I am so annoyed. Sometimes, this world makes me so damn sick with the way “they” do black people! SMH!

Okay, I’m bored and was just chatting with a friend about strip clubs (you know that’s my obsession, no?).

Nonetheless, in having this conversation with her, I came up with a list (in random order) of things that I absolutely do not want to see in the strip club in the ‘09.

Here goes:

1. If I buy a lap dance from you, I do NOT want to see you make your booty hole go in and out. That shit is NOT sexy! I dunno who gets a rise out of stuff like that but your girl isn’t one of them. Anytime a girl does that, I WAIT for a fart to come out…or even a shit crumb. I do not wish to leave the club with shit flakes on my dress, thanks.

2. A guy sticking his finger in an upward position in hopes of a girl bouncing her ass hard enough to let it slip in! That’s not right. Not at all. It makes you look desperate and unappreciative of what a lapdance really is!

3. Lactating tits! They have websites and Yahoo! groups dedicated to that shit. When I come to the club, I do NOT need to know when (if at all) a woman had a baby! Leave that shit for the fetish sites!

4. Afro Pussies! Yea, some men like that snappy nappy dug out. But in MY eyes, it does nothing but collect lent and attract a ‘musty’ smell. Trim that shit up.

5. Unkempt women! Ladies, your ‘you’ is your money maker. That means before your shift starts, visit somebody’s nail salon and make sure you have ALL TEN fingernails on and not 8 1/2. No chipped toenail polish either. Nappy/greasy weaves are never acceptable. And make sure you check back on #4.

6. For the love of all things good and Holy, PLEASE stop fucking going to Walmart and buying your outfit! Push up bras and everyday thongs do NOT a stripper make! You see all the girls in the club with customized stripper shit. Step your game up and start asking for referrals.

7. Cell phones in your hand while you’re dancing! Aint that a bitch? I don’t need to see your ass calling your baby daddy (or stud…cuz it’s a lot of lesbian activity in the damn club), babysitter, best friend or college professor while you’re giving me a dance! I just spent $10 to help you PAY that bill. The least you could do is show me some respect and gimme what I paid for!

8. EUC’s bka emotionally unstable creatures! Please refer to #7 but it must be said. There have been a million times that I’ve gone to the strip club and walked in the bathroom, only to find some lonely dancer on the phone crying about everything that’s going on in her social life. Not only that, this same female will come out on the floor, answering calls all throughout the night from this same person that she’s arguing with. Don’t you realize that you’re messing up your money by worrying over shit that’s at home? Don’t get me wrong, I am very sympathetic to highly sympathetic situations but you shoulda called out that day. Coming to the club and ruining everybody’s mood b/c your home life is fucked up ain’t right.

9. Mufuckas going to the stage and throwing a stack of ones that equal $20! Damn it, you ain’t ballin! You just spent half of your Metro PCS/Cricket bill. That made you look like a simp compared to the dude that went right before and after you and threw $100 in ones on the stage. Sitcho broke ass down!

10. Alert to newcomers on the pole: Club hours is NOT the time for you to practice the moves you saw in the Pussy Poppin’ video! I repeat…DO NOT come to the club during business hours to practice your pole tricks. If you fall, there is no sympathy. I WILL laugh at you. Just clap your ass, prance to the left and right and smile until you get it. Just practice at home with a retractable pole or something b/c Black folks NEVER forget a tumble!

I have plenty more…but I want some water so I’ll be back later!

Just wanted to make a quick post…

In my African Americans in Films class (which I got an A in, thank you very much), we talked about how Black women were portrayed in both film and television. One of the things that we talked about (besides the obvious music video crap) is that in films dating back to the 50s, Black women have always been the crux of overt sexuality and/or over the top humor.

My professor went on to tell us that Black women in films (from back in the day and in some cases of the present) were usually presented as dark skinned, overweight and complacent. A good example would be Imitations of Life.

I know what it is that I’m trying to say but it’s hard to really put it into words. What brought all of this to mind was watching Legally Blonde and Maid in Manhattan. In Legally Blonde, Elle was teaching them to the ‘bend/snap’…why did it have to be a big ass black woman hopping and acting a damn fool while doing the dance, while her white peers were simply ‘doing’ the damn bend/snap? I mean, she was so over the top that it was ridiculous (oh and don’t get me started on the ‘too little’ windsuit and braids).

Then, in Maid in Manhattan, Marisa (Jennifer Lopez) was in the maids’ quarters talking to her three co-workers about going to a function to let her ‘admirer’ know that they couldn’t see each other anymore. They had this big Black woman just being over the top and semi-ghetto.

Why is it that we have to be oversexualized or portrayed as being out of control? Why is it that we can’t have couth or class?

Just an observation….

Well, a new year is upon us. Gym memberships will be through the roof with people breaking necks trying to get in line to get right. By spring, they’ll fall to the wayside and vow to get better next year.

Because I don’t really do the whole resolution thing, I feel the need to create the obligatory “What-I’ve-Learned” post and let that be a guide of sorts for the new year.

Just in case I haven’t commented your page, Youtube channel, made a call, sent a text or email stating so, I’ll say it now….I wish you and yours a happy new year and here’s hoping the best in everything you resolve to do.

That being said, I’ve learned:

-You can’t save everybody. Friends, business associates, family members…they all have to come around on their own. No matter how you try and advise, assist, or relate they have to make it on their own. Worrying about them more than you even think about yourself only brings headaches (or in my case, migraines).

-No one is going to hand you shit. That’s a bet. EVERYTHING has to be worked for. You’re never too smart, too pretty, too experienced or too ____ (fill it in) to have your ass handed to you for thinking that you are ‘all that.’

-There isn’t an art to saying “NO.” Sometimes you have to put your foot down b/c if you don’t, there are some heathens who will walk all over, under and through you. Why not stop it at the door?

-Sometimes you really have to bite the bullet and do whatchu gotta do. You might not like it, some may disapprove but at the end of the day, only YOU pay your bills. They can’t stand it, tell ‘em to suck one.

-Speaking of which, there is nothing wrong with doing you….and whoever else you want to do. People are so damn uptight these days and think that everything and everybody should do and act a certain way. Not quite.

-Sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself won’t make shit pop off. It just doesn’t happen that way. In movies, dreams, and books…maybe. But in reality? You betta work! (refer to point #2)

-Appreciate those who love you. You’ve got to! Sure, there are quite a few people in this world with a lot of associates. But we all are granted only a FEW friends. FEW!

-Holding grudges is bad for the soul…and I think it adds 15 lbs.

That’s about it, folks. It is now 1 hour and 5 minutes from the new year…2009. This year is going to be so different for me. And hopefully it’ll mean a positive change for all of you as well.

Love you guys a bunch and thanks for reading!

I can’t stand when people act all surprised, shocked and appalled when it comes to why we are no longer.

I was having a conversation (on IM) with someone that I’ve been friends with for a while. She was telling me that she talked to ____ and asked me when was the last time I had talked to her.

I told her that I don’t talk to her anymore. My friend said “Oh ok” and left it at that.

Little did I know, that was opening the flood gates for her to ask ____ why we weren’t talking anymore (why she didn’t ask me, since the conversation was already ‘out there,’ I dunno). A couple days later, this same girl comes back to me and says “____ doesn’t even know why you aren’t talking to her…but whatever it is, yall need to let it go.”

I just sucked my teeth and thought “Oh, that bitch knows.” I make it a point not to EVER end ANYTHING with ANYBODY without them knowing why. Now, if you did something to me (be it minute or grand) in the past and I sought my OWN revenge, that speaks for itself (Yes, I use to be a vengeful chick). But when it’s a ‘break up’ b/c of some ole bullshit that you did, then I will kindly let you know via phone call, over lunch, or through email. Either or, you WILL know why I don’t fuck with you.

But for the record, I decided to discontinue speaking to you when you made it your business to tell me what I should do as a grown woman when your shit is clearly not in order. I discontinued speaking to you b/c you genuinely felt (with NO apologies) that you were better than everybody else. I also discontinued speaking to you b/c I know for a fact that YOU are behind some of the ‘internet gangsta’ shit that I’ve experienced over the past, say…two years. I know for a FACT. Facts totally trump “I swear it wasn’t me.”

So now you know, bitch…stop playing clueless.

I have been perusing several blogs. Reading a blog is something that I enjoy doing far more than watching one on Youtube. This is how the whole blogging thing began for me anyway.

Nonetheless, at many of the blogs (both male and female), I am noticing that quite a few bloggers are talking about Beyonce’s song, Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) and it brings the debate about Black women, their relationships with Black men and possibilities of marriage.

I read this post and felt the need to add my two cents (maybe four).

Although I listened to Beyonce’s song and thought of it as mere entertainment, I can say that what she’s saying has some truth. Every person that you meet and go on a few dates with is not marriage material. There will be several that you’ll have the opportunity to ‘kick it’ with but it will fizz or never evolve into the real thing. But then there are those dates that you have that turn into an extended thing. In my ever so humble opinion, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with discussing from the door what your expectations are in a relationship. I think that it’s important to put those things on the line b/c not ‘knowing’ beforehand will cause SOMEBODY to have a broken heart at the end of it all.

When I first moved to Atlanta, I came here with a ‘boyfriend.’ I say that in quotes b/c I can’t honestly say that we had a real title. And anytime I brought that subject up, there was a problem. As mentioned in the blog link that I posted above, anytime a man gets clammy, upset or nervous at the thought of talking about a commitment, it’s not a good idea to get your hopes up too high about the possibilities of anything long term with that person. A man (or a woman) knows what they do and don’t want…but if expressing those wants is an issue, then more than likely, he/she is not the one that you want to be with. I spent a good year and half convincing myself that if I stayed around long enough and loved that dude hard enough, he’d eventually come around and we’d most certainly be spending the rest of our lives together.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. I don’t consider my time with him as time wasted b/c it taught me several good lessons. It was also the last time that I was stuck on stupid for a dude. Now, I am somewhat jaded…I don’t take dating so seriously unless I’m interested, for one and two, he has expressed the same sentiments.

I am a firm believer that if you are dating someone long term, it’s best to put the ideas of your future out there so that everything is clear. I don’t think that anyone should just ’settle’ on being the girlfriend of 5 years who also happens to be the mother of your child. Totally unacceptable.

I just don’t get the big uproar that follows songs that women regard as anthems. If you’re with a dude for a while and he’s acting like he ‘don’t like it,’ why stick around? Is society that sick and twisted that there is a belief that women should simply accept anything that’s thrown their way and totally disregard their own happiness?

While I won’t rush it, I will say that if you like it, you better at least TALK about putting a ring on it. Otherwise, you’ll find me two stepping out the door. I am not about to be the Goldie Hawn to a damn Kurt Russell (look it up).

Peace