I think that all of us had “something” from our teenage years that we did that our parents REALLY blew up about. You might’ve been making bad grades, cutting up in class, not doing your chores, sneaking out, smoking…you did SOMETHING.

Well mine involved a guy (hahah no surprises there). For the sake of nosy eyes everywhere, we’ll call this guy “Jack.” I met Jack when I was 14 years old. I remember one day, he came to school to pick up his girlfriend (Oh, did I mention he was 19?). I saw him and thought “GOT DAMN he’s fine as hell.” I remember spending all this time trying to find out who he was, where he was from, blah blah blah. I even had my homegirls buddying up with ole girl just to get even more information and oddly enough, she was open.

One day, a couple of us decided to skip school and she was included in the bunch. We all went to this guys house and basically watched BET ALL day and killed his mama’s koolaid (it was VERY innocent, trust me). About an hour or two into the the shindig, Jack showed up. I remember my homegirl nudging me like “Uh oh girl..he IS fine! There he go, there he go.” That whole day, he was giving me serious eye contact. I mean…as we would say back in the day, dude was “clocking” me. We were all about to go home and as the “happy” couple walked out to his car, I remember him giving me this crazy smile and driving off. About 5 minutes after he pulled off in his car, one of my guy friends came up to me and said “Here…that dude told me to give you this.”

It was his number….

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*slaps forehead* Boy, oh boy…I tell you, people are never satisfied. Never.

Alright, back in 2004 when I created my first (personal) blog, I spent a lot of time complaining about the way my life was b/c during that time, I was in a shitty relationship and needed some place to voice my opinions. I didn’t really add a lot of “myself” in it b/c I didn’t see the need to be more personal when I was already shining light on why I was being stupid in staying in a relationship that wasn’t working. Since then, I’ve maintained a blog in some fashion and have always found it better to just be myself b/c I didn’t really know “how” to act like anybody else.

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I dunno why this came to mind…oh no wait. I do…it came to mind because I’m on Twitter ranting about men/women who step outside of their marriage.

A couple of years ago, I use to participate on this message board quite frequently. I met a lot of people, some of which I became friends with. One in particular….I won’t call her name but JUST so she knows that this blog entry is about her, we’ll call her “Dee,” as that’s the first letter in her name and well, I don’t feel like being cute and creating another one.

Nonetheless, Dee and I became friends and instantly began sharing things with one another. I shared things with her about my sexuality, while she often said that she lived vicariously through me because she was not nearly as open as I was about who I am/what I do.

Well fast forward it to whenever…she and I had a falling out. I don’t remember WHAT the falling out was about but it led to her sending me this long and drawn out email where she attempted to “read” me my rights and give me a little advice about myself. The whole time I’m reading this, I’m thinking to myself “Wow…she must’ve stayed up all night concocting this one.” I blocked her email address and went about my business.

But it wasn’t until TONIGHT, after talking about men/women who cheat in marriages and those who agree to help folks cheat that I felt compelled to write this and I’ll direct it RIGHT to her. At the time, I was more shocked at how she tried to jump on my ass, so I didn’t even THINK to throw any daggers.

Nonetheless, during the course of our friendship, she told me that she went to her high school reunion and met up with some guy whose name begins with a “B” (again, details given b/c I KNOW she reads this and I want her to know I’m talking about her). She said that she had a ginormous crush on B when she was in school and throughout the years, they communicated and he still looked the same. Only thing is…he’s married now WITH a child. Anyway, she goes to this reunion, sees him, smiles and shakes hands with his wife and comes back talking about how she thinks she might be falling for him. She went and got lingerie with his name “written” out in rhinestones, sent him lewd pics and even drove to Virginia to see him (and sleep with him), knowing full well that he had a wife. Her excuse for getting over? “He said they had problems.” Bitch please…as I yawn.

It kills me that you even had the nerve to try and play me to the left with your email, attempting to psychoanalyze the type of woman I am when clearly, your shits not together. Women who have it together don’t sleep with other womens’ men. They don’t drive in their Nissan with specialty plates all the way from GA to another state to get rooms with men who have wives and children to go home to. Now, this isn’t to say I’m perfect because during my time being friends with you, I had a lot of screwy ways about me…many of which I’m not proud of. But the things I indulged in at that time effected me. You, on the other hand, were opening your legs to a married man and having the nerve to wonder “why” things weren’t working out to begin with.

I may be a lot of things to a lot of people but one thing I don’t suffer from is low self esteem. Only THOSE types of bitches think that men who cheat WITH them will leave their wives and NEVER cheat on them. So in addition to bidding on some self esteem at Ebay, you should try buying a clue. What makes you so different.

I hate people who cheat…and the women/men who aid them get the side eye just as much.

J.

(This post will contain some TMI. If TMI irks you, don’t read beyond this point)

Just as I was about to call my doctor and say “Why the hell haven’t I gotten a period for the month of October,” The Hunt for the Red October comes out of nowhere.

Mind you…I knew that there was ABSOLUTELY no way that I could be pregnant. So scratch that. And the last period I had was somewhere early LAST month. Hmm…

At the beginning of the year, I had surgery that put me out of commission for a while. I remember Michelle and Chanel hitting me up daily (sometimes several times a day) while I was laid up in bed in pain both physically and mentally. Ever since that surgery, my periods haven’t been as they use to be. I use to be able to count up to day 28, wake up that morning and guarantee she was in town. But these days? Not so much.

The one thing I loved about having a normal cycle is that if I ever wanted to get pregnant, I knew exactly when I ovulated and exactly when my period would show. Now, some months I can’t even tell when ovulation is taking place.

I say all that to say…it bothers me. I let go of the idea of ever getting married but never gave up on the hope of one day having a baby or two. I made a mistake many years ago but have since then had pretty solid proof that at least something was functioning normally. But with the surgery and the goings on sd of late, I wonder if I can even have children anymore. I’m not saying that I want a child NOW (as a matter of fact…oh no!). Just speaking out loud, I suppose.

I guess there’s always adoption. Sure, you can adopt a baby and love it like your own. It is yours…you’re taking care of him/her. But nothing beats the wonderment of what features your child will steal from you…will they have your eyes, your nose…dimples.

I probably messed that up. Shouldn’t have given in when I had the chance.

Welp, I have finally taken the time to sit down and do a blog post on my personal site. I will never ever neglect this (I’m sure the folks at Youtube are saying “Well what about us” right about now! Ha! I’m coming!).

Update on Insanity: I have not done Insanity in almost a week. Why? The stomping. One too many damn complaints and I’m like…I gotta wait until I move. So that is over. I think I’m going to find something that’s a little less involved but still tough. Any suggestions? Post it on the comments.

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I ain’t even gonna blog the whole experience. I’m gonna try to make it short but you guys know how I do.

Booked a flight a while ago…for medical reasons, was NOT able to take the flight. Canceled flight two days before. TRIED to utilize the insurance that I paid for to get a refund. They claimed they weren’t getting mine or my doctor’s faxes. After getting the crazy run around, contacted Priceline who redirected me to US Air.

Spoke to a rep there. Explained what happened. On the phone with her for close to two hours trying to get a resolution. At this point, I didn’t CARE about getting the money back. I just wanted a credit for the flight I couldn’t take for medical reasons. After all was said and done, she gave me a credit of $270 and told me if I need to fly, use it.

Fast forward to NOW…I need to go to Atlanta for New Years. I WAS going to drive but fuck that. Cops be on the road way too much during New Years holidays and I can’t stand those mufuckas. Plus by the time I get off work (not sure when I’ll get out on NYE), I will have to get in the car and drive from Charlotte to ATL…guaranteed four hours b/c of traffic and driving super slow b/c of police and shit.

Called US Air to book a flight. First CSR couldn’t help me without charging me the change fee of $150 (which, by the way, was to be waived b/c of my prior incident based on the rep at the insurance company). I told her I’m not paying shit and put her manager on the phone. Manager got on the phone…same deal. I told her to let me speak to HER manager. Manager gets on the phone and says the same damn thing. I give her my confirmation number, the lady I spoke with INITIALLY at US Air who promised me I wouldn’t be charged, the dates I called. EVERYTHING. This Bizzy Bone sounding ass bitch gon’ tell me “Well, it’s policy.” At this point I was ready to go full the fuck off but I remained cool. I told her “Shirley (yes that was her name), I’m not going to argue with you, okay? I was on the phone LAST time for well over two hours debating this whole thing when I’m not asking you guys for a handout. Im not even asking for my money back. I’m saying I want my flight taken care of as it was PROMISED to me. Now…if you think that all of this is beyond the scope of your capabilities, you can give me CORPORATES contact information and I’ll see what they have to say about it.”

She puts me on hold for a super long time. Guess she thought I was gonna hang up. She comes back and says “My boss said I can go ahead and book your entire flight for you, all covered…anytime you want.” So I booked my flight and I’m gonna be out, as planned.

Here’s my thing…I shouldn’t have had to go through all that. I had my confirmation number, I had names, I had dates. And while it wasn’t US Airways fault that the insurance company through Priceline (who I will NOT use again for shit…or at least not the insurance) failed to honor our agreement, the final agreement was done through US Airways. They said that they were going to take care of it and the shit wasn’t documented at ALL!

I can’t emphasize this enough with Russell Simmons lisp…please people…when you call into ANY type of business, ALWAYS take names, ID numbers, record dates and any other information pertinent to call JUST IN CASE you have to resort to something like this.

I was 100% prepared to contact corporate if need be and my letters/complaints ALWAYS get answered. Sometimes you gotta get a little ethnic on a mufucka to show them you mean business.

(and yes…you can do that without being “ghetto”)

This is a minor rant that I had to get off my chest. My frustrations runneth over so I’m gonna talk about it.

Alright, I started MissJia.com in June of this year. About a month in, I received an email from a company called Eplay who offered to create a widget on my site so that I could offer polls. They stated that they would design the poll, offering me a minimum of 6 different mock up designs to choose from so that I could offer my readers “polls” at no cost. I asked them what the catch was…they said that they offered it to sites that they felt had the popularity to get their name out. I should’ve known it was bullshit on sight b/c I had JUST started my site, so they were obviously blowing smoke up my ass about the popular stuff. But also, I still didn’t understand how offering me (and several other blogs) a free poll would boost any business for them. Wouldn’t people want that freebie like the rest of us?

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I always talk about forgiveness and that’s because I am somewhat envious of those around me who are able to forgive without issue.

I say that I can forgive. I say that I DO forgive but in my heart of hearts, I know that I don’t. Not always.

Yesterday, I made a decision that involves forgiveness…or a lack thereof. On one of my social networking sites, my ex boyfriend added me as a friend. Initially, I accepted it. But for some reason, it didn’t sit well with me. No, I don’t think that he added me to see if I was doing as well as I assume he is. I think that he added me because deep down inside, he just wanted to be in touch.

He and I have history. We dated all throughout high school. We broke up when he moved away. But then we got back together during both of our college years and managed to stay together for 3.5 years.

And then he cheated. It’s not that I assumed he cheated b/c of something I heard. It wasn’t because I was insecure and just THOUGHT he would. I caught him. There was no denying what I saw with my own eyes.

Ultimately, we fell apart…if I can’t trust you, I can’t be with you. Period. I went on with my life. He went on with his. Almost four years ago, I went through it. Just a really hard emotional time for me, something that I don’t care to revisit at present but…I was definitely out of my element. During that time, I needed the support of people who knew me. I needed the people who knew everything there was to know about me to “be there.” Now, by this time, I made amends with my ex and we were on speaking terms…so much so that he was planning a trip to come see me. Knowing everything that I was going through…and how many times I literally said “I need you,” he shunned me. And instead of being the friend that I needed him to be, all bullshit to the left…he went and talked ABOUT my problems to someone else. Never once did he speak to me about them. Instead, he let me do the talking, rushed me away and talked about them to someone else. Not in an “I-dont-know-how-to-help-her” tone. It was condescending. Belittling. How did I find out? Well, his friend wasn’t much of a friend b/c he told me. And I confronted the ex. Absolutely no denial.

After that, I couldn’t deal anymore. I figured that it’d be best that I cut my losses with this guy 100%. Our relationship was over…both romantically and on the friendship side. Why hold on?

So that brings us to today. I really do TRY to be a forgiving person but truth be told, I hold grudges. I may physically speak from my mouth that “Yes, I forgive you,” but deep down inside…I probably don’t. I just feel that he did a great job at abandoning me at a time when I needed him most. When I needed him to at least be a friend to me without any type of physical or financial exchange, he went ghost on me and instead, turned into the informant of my problems.

I’m better now…as best as better can be. And while I do wish him well and hope that he thrives in this thing we call life, I can’t say that I can give him 100%. Not now…not ever.

Alrighty, I started the program “over” so to speak b/c I have a friend who just received hers last week and wanted me to work out with her, PLUS two of my readers got theirs last week as well. So I figured, “Why not?”

Instead of starting with the fit test today, I started with Pure Cardio. And today, I just wasn’t “feeling” like working out. I dunno what it is. I think that I’ve kinda lost the mojo. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that I’ll quit but it does mean that my mojo is gone. I have to find ways to pick it back up. I mean, 60 days isn’t THAT long. I think that I’m just annoyed as hell by these thick ass legs that don’t seem to move no matter what I do. It can truly break your motivation, for sure.

But tomorrow is a new day. And I’ll press on…just as I did when I first started this.

Hope you guys have a great week!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter & those who matter, don’t mind.”–Dr. Seuss