Now…before you guys bite my head off about this, just hear me out for a second.

I’m always the one to holler foul on things. By my OWN admission, I tend to read too much into things BUT I pay attention to facts and details and when things don’t make sense, they just don’t.

If you get upset or think that I’m insensitive for what I’m about to say, feel free to post your own comments. It’s just a “thought” that came to me while I was working out this morning.

The news is reporting that they have found the decomposing body of Julian King, who is the nephew of J Hud and son of her sister, Julia.

Does Julia not seem a bit suspect to some of you? I went and read her Myspace page and one of the surveys that she had posted…I dunno. Again, maybe I was reading too much into it but…she seems as though she’s jealous of Jennifer. Something about her just seems a bit off to me..and while I cant place my finger on it 100%, I still think that maybe…just maybe…the police should take a looksy at her as well and not totally rule her out as at least knowing more than maybe she’d let on.

I dunno about you guys but…if my mother and brother were murdered…and my son was missing, the last thing I’d be doing is logging into Myspace, accepting new friends requests, updating my ‘status,’ and going to get my hair fixed for a press conference. She instantly became a little “off” to me when I found out what type of thug ass dude she was dating. I’m sorry but ladies, do a better job at checking your men. I like a dude with a little street in him but I can do without an orange jumpsuit. Dude was bullshit. And whether he had a part in all this mess or not, the fact that he had all those priors and just appeared to be a cut up would’ve been enough to make me say no! When you have KIDS, people, you don’t subject your kids to that, even if THEY claim to be rehabilitated. You have to look at facts. And if you don’t love yourself enough to not deal with a no count ass negro, then at least respect your family and your kids enough to keep THEM out of a thugs peripheral.

But then again, that’s just ME.

Now, I am ONLY posting my thoughts. I do not, in ANY way, mean to sound insensitive to everything that’s going on with the Hudson family. However, suspicions are suspicions. Therefore, she gets the “side eye” until further notice.

Edited to say: From my understanding, her hair was done for her birthday party the day before. So in that regard, I do retract that portion of my statement. However, she still gets the side eye.

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….but I think I love his twin girls, Jessie & D’Lila, a wee bit more! Hehehe! This vid is so cute!

Umm, to you pappies out there who ain’t taking care of or spending time with your kids, you should be ashamed!

PS: Diddy has the STRONGEST SPERM EVER!! With the exception of Justin (his oldest), all of his kids are the SPITTING IMAGE of him! I mean damn!

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I’m sitting here going through files on my computer and came across a folder entitled “Blogs & Things.”

I haven’t touched this folder in forever and literally forgot what was in it.

I wrote this “poem” called Lethal. Definitely not my best work but it reminds me of how I felt at one point in my life.

I hate sing-songy poems and this is DEFINITELY one. But I just figured I’d share. Wow…nonetheless, here it is, copied and pasted from my old (and first) blog.

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Anyway, sometime during my blogging-ness, I posted a poem entitled LETHAL! Now, dont ask where this came from…YES, some aspects of it are VERY real for me. BUT, as a writer, you have to know that for the most part, I had to throw MANY elements of fiction in there just to make it interesting. Do I consider it my best work? Hell no. Its just one of those ‘things’ that are neatly recorded in my ‘ooh-what-were-YOU-going-through’ files, where I put a lot of shit out there, but still leave folks wondering. It was written a WHIIIIIILE back but posted in my “then” blog in July of 2005. Shortly after, I deleted the whole blog.

DISCLAIMER: The poem is kinda….grim. Its not pleasant in the least but its not intended to be. Its just a story…which parts are real and which are fictitious? Well, those are things I’ll carry to my grave. Assume what you will…but you know what they say about ASSumers! Im not an overly religious person, as this lil quip may indicate. I have FAITH and a personal relationship with God..but I wouldnt consider myself sickly religious (aka: a Bible thumper). Oh and please note…I’m many negative things to some people but one that Im not is stupid! My shit is copyrighted. Steal it if you want…you’ll owe me your nuts and first born in court, $ucka. Have a good nite everyone!

So sick, throwin’ up all over the place
Wish you could see the expression on my face
Love shouldnt hurt, but for me it does
Id kill myself to prove that you’re the one

Everyday, I manage to change more of myself
A compromise, of sorts, anything that’d help
And its evident, with every lesson learned
Never wanna be on the receiving end of getting ‘burned’

No matter what my friends say about you
The last thing I want is for us to be through
So I called you up, let the phone ring
Dont know what the hell has gotten into me

“Hello? Who is this? Why the fuck you call?”
Damn, maybe I shouldnt try this at all
‘Listen, baby, I dunno what this is all about..’
‘I was thinking me and you could really work this out.’

Silence on the phone, what is he gonna say?
‘It aint working out, lets go our separate ways’
I try to explain how I feel inside
But he shut me down, feelings were denied

He kept reminding me of how my attitude changed
And of how he could just spit right in my face
Said I didnt try to love him hard enough
Because I didnt give him his way, he had given up

“What the hell?” I said, “You must be kidding me”
He just laughed and said, ‘I promise that you’ll see’
‘Somehow its always better to let me have control..’
‘But this thing b/w you and me is getting real old’

I cried, ‘Dont leave me here by myself…’
‘Is it something I did or is there someone else’
Before he hung up, he said ‘We’re just through’
‘Yea I want a relationship, just not with you.’

And then I heard dial tone-I just sat there
Crying hysterically, pulling out my hair
As the tears rolled down my face, I yelled out
‘God can you PLEASE tell me what this is all about’

Ive been a good girl, paid all my dues
Ive gotten on my knees and Ive prayed to You
To send a good man, one that wont lie
But I keep getting the same shit all the time

I didnt hear a voice, I just sat and cried
As the tears poured steadily from my eyes
Too scared of being on this earth alone
Making the choice myself to simply go home

Walked over to the counter, found a knife
Cried a couple of tears knowing none of this is right
Put the first cut horizontally on my wrist
Saying ‘I swear, Im through with love..through with this’

Suddenly I felt at ease, no longer broken apart
Fell to the ground, hard pounds in my heart
Laid on the ground, no longer feeling attacked
Its over now, aint no way to go back

Blood running all over my kitchen floor
If this is how love feels, I dont want it no more
Instantly I saw my parents in my head
Crying over me, cant believe their daughters dead

I wanted to explain and let em all know why
But they’d be mad if they knew I did it for a guy
And my sister and brother, man I know they feel the hurt
But they cant understand everything this guys worth

Heart rate slowing down going @ a slow speed
Aint no revival..aint no saving me
Im finally @ peace, throwing punches at Heavens door
I just told God I couldnt take it anymore

Then God said ‘My child, you know how much I love you’
‘But that guy is not the end of the world for you’
‘Im gonna be here when everyone else is gone’
‘And when his times up, I will NEVER leave you alone’

He said that He’d always be there to console me
And when friends turn their back, He would hold me
He said ‘I have plans for you, just so much more’
‘What do you think I put you here on earth for?’

‘I dont make mistakes, nor do I waste time,’
‘I know your heart, everything in you is Mine’
I just lay there with real apologetic eyes
Couldnt believe Im the cause of my own demise

I said, ‘God, please, tell me what am I to do,’
‘I really love this man,’ God said ‘But you must love you,’
‘You’ve been slipping up and really it is not your fault’
‘You just love strong, I made you with a heart’

I smiled, it felt good to hear a compliment
Whats even better is knowing that it was meant
I musta looked confused about our lengthy talk
God said ‘Come here, my child, lets take a walk’

‘About a year ago, you said that you wanted to move’
‘And that you’d do your work as long as I would help you?’
‘Well Ive done my part, but now its your turn?’
‘You cant give up after every lesson learned’

I told him about how I got sidetracked when I got here
Losing sight of me just b/c I had fear
Had fear of success, taking slack from folks
Fell in love but later feeling like my hearts been choked

I tried my best to hold back my tears
Told Him that I felt comfort being here
God said, ‘Love is lost, but you still have work to do’
‘Remember I borrowed your body so I could use you’

I responded, ‘But God, isnt it too late?’
‘When I slit my wrist didnt that seal my fate?’
He smiled, ‘No, child, its not as bad as it seems’
‘Hear your alarm clock? Wake up, my dear, its just a dream’

In my reality, the story spoken is of truth
Damn near killing myself to show I love you
Thats real talk, aint no fakin’ either
Its dangerous to love when your love is that lethal

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Now, you know that I love the gays. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the gays. Always have, always will. But my love for you will never diminish my common sense!

And I’m sure that a lot of them would be highly offended in reading what I’m about to say but it is what it is.

The above picture was found at Perez Hilton’s site under a post entitled “Just Sayin.” Now, I am a fan of Perez Hilton and feel that his site is really interesting (even though I rarely know even half the stars he posts about).

But that shit posted above OFFENDED ME to the fucking max!!

How dare you compare the struggle that blacks have endured for HUNDREDS of damn YEARS to the struggles of who you want to fucking marry? HOW DARE YOU?

I understand that gays have a struggle…they fight every day for their right to be respected. However, you weren’t sold into slavery b/c of your choices; blacks were for something they had NO CHOICE in and thats the color of their skin. You weren’t beat into submission to work for NOTHING; blacks were, again, b/c of the color of their skin!

So you’re gay and you wanna get married? Okay, fine! But your comparison with this desire to be with someone of the same sex to the struggle that blacks have dealt with for SO DAMN LONG (and in some ways STILL FEEL IT) somehow lessens that plight…it diminishes it down to fucking NOTHING and that is absolutely disgusting.

I don’t care who anybody wants to be with. As long as it does not interfere with MY life and what I am trying to do, I could really care less. But do NOT disrespect or compare the struggle of my ancestors over your desire to be with someone of the same sex. I’m not even FEELING this comparison!

And if you’re gay and offended, please feel free to post your thoughts! We’ll debate until I’m blue in the face over this b/c the gay struggle in NO WAY COMPARES to the struggle of blacks…at least not in MY eyes!!!!

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I know that this a topic that’s I’ve managed to beat into your heads more times than many of you would like to count.

But anytime something new happens, I have to speak about it, ya know?

Today, class, the subject I’d like to talk about is cheating.

Why do people do it? Did I miss the memo on the thrill? Before cheating, is there some sort of ‘excitement’ post it that’s passed around, giving insight on the joys and fabulosity in breaking someone’s heart?

Further, why do people who cheat…get mad when they’re cheated on?

I dunno. Maybe I’m a bit of a stick in the mud when it comes to this issue. Seriously. I HAVE to be. I NEVER understood the purpose of cheating. Personally, I’ve always been the one to just say “You know what…this just isn’t working out like I thought it would,” and proceed to leave. I never ‘thought’ to have a side piece. Sure, I make jokes here and there about “Oh whatever, I’d cheat on your ass.” But that’s all in jest…clearly I’m not being serious.

Word life, there are too many STDs out there. There are many options out there, so if side piecing it up is your thing, refrain from having a main. Save someone else the damn headache!

I can not even BEGIN to tell you the countless messages I receive on Myspace…”My girl just cheated”….”I just found out my man is cheating.” And the question is always “What should I do?”

Jigga…you LEAVE, that’s what the hell you do. Do NOT pass go, do NOT collect $200 but PLEASE collect all the shit you bought for that sorry, nasty ass bastard along the way.

Sike, nah…don’t be an indian giver! HA!

But seriously…my mother always told me to never say never and I TRY not to. But when it comes to cheating…if you and I are a couple and you cheat on me, game over. I don’t want to hear shit about WHY, I don’t wanna know any sordid details of your affair. You just have to go. You proved in that ONE act that you don’t care about my physical, emotional or mental well being. So why should I continue fostering a relationship with you?

Don’t get it twisted, folks…y’all know my ass is single, so this blog entry is definitely nothing personal. I just feel that people need to start keeping it real. The main ones screaming with their fists thrown in the air about people keeping it real and others being phony are the same ones ramming their dicks in the first chick that looks like she smells like a damn Bath & Body Works 50% off sale.

And ladies….you ain’t off the hook. I’m reading of more and more occurences of you dogging your men out. The stigma that it’s socially unacceptable for a woman to carry herself like a man notwithstanding, have you ever thought about the good ass women who sit by themselves on Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday for that matter), wishing that they were boo’ed up like you…when all the while, you’re not even appreciating what you have?

I don’t think that there is a reason to cheat…EVER!

He/She ain’t acting right? Talk to em!
He/She isn’t as sexually adventurous as you’d like them to be? Talk about it!
He/She has some other issue that you just aren’t feeling? Communicate that shit.

See the common denominator here? It’s communication, people. But if things get so smelly in your relationship where communication is out the door like yesterday’s trash and you feel the need to let someone else sample the goods that should soley be for your ‘boo,’ then I suggest you bounce. Again, do not pass go…do NOT collect $200. Let them know that the shit just ain’t working and chunk up the deuces.

I can honestly say that I have never cheated. I am definitely a talker and will tell you when I think shit is not the business. After a while, I’m not telling you anymore b/c personally, I don’t date deaf/mutes. So if you wanna act like you can’t hear me or speak to me when we have issues, then I hope you don’t have Helen Keller syndrome b/c you will SURELY watch my ass walk out the door.

Believe it.

And what’s even MORE funny are the people who are involved in a relationship, cheat like all to be damned…and get MAD…I mean, LIVID…when they find out that they are not the ONLY one’s fucking around. For some reason, Usher’s song, Just Like Me, comes to mind. Stop being so selfish and thinking that you’re just “that” raw that you can do what the hell you want to do but other’s can’t. Buy a vowel and get a clue, bitch. That’s trifling.

Anyway, I just felt like ranting.

bye.

*edited to change the Usher song…I was THINKING of Trading Places but the song befitting of this blog is Just Like Me. My bad.

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I had to copy this blog from a friend. It seemed interesting, so I figured I’d post my own! Enjoy!

10 things I wish I could say to 10 people right now

1. I miss you sometimes but at other times, I don’t. I’m sure we’ll be friends again but only time will tell

2. You are, absolutely, the sexiest man EVER! I’m making you my mission

3. I don’t know what I saw in you. I don’t see how your current girlfriend is satisfied. I’d cheat…shit.

4. You’d make the perfect boyfriend…if only you hadn’t been with “her”

5. How the hell you expect me to trust that you’ll get your shit together? You’re too old for that cut up.

6. You’re a crazy bitch and your own ex even told me not to fuck with you but I didn’t listen. You can’t control peoples lives and if someone is dumb enough to let you, they’re just as stupid as you.

7. I can’t be bothered with someone who thinks that they know everything and get mad when you don’t agree.

8. Why do you keep talking to me? I hinted, I SPOKE on it..and you STILL KEEP TALKING!

9. You shoulda told me this shit before I left Atlanta.

10. I really didn’t know that I was on your mind like that. You’re in your late 30s. Get over it and get a job, busta.

9 Things About Me

1. I absolutely LOVE Trey Songz; He can do no wrong in my eyes haha

2. I love when people tell me what I can’t or won’t do

3. I love my niece more than life itself

4. I love being curvy but I wonder what it’s like to be skinny

5. I’m still scared of the dark

6. I love the skin I’m in

7. I have a strong dislike for people who don’t like who they are (i.e., blacks hating to be blacks, etc)

8. I go ‘poo’ after every meal :O(

9. I’m somewhat of an introvert until you get to know me

10. I don’t feel comfortable ‘celebrating’ Halloween.

8 Ways to Win My Friendship

1. Communicate. Can’t stress that enough. I am not a mind reader, nor will I spend the bulk of my energy trying just b/c you’re scared to ‘speak’ on it

2. Be easy to talk to. I guess that goes with #1.

3. Keep it real. I don’t need someone smiling in my face but doing underhanded shit behind my back.

4. Have a sense of humor and know how to have fun.

5. Be yourself. Don’t think that being like me in anyway earns you points. Not cool and a little scary.

6. Be intelligent. Enough said.

7. Ditch the attitude. There’s nothing worse than a person who always has a chip on their shoulder.

8. Loyalty.

7 Things that Cross My Mind

1. I wonder why people spend so much of their time worrying about what the fuck somebody else is doing? You ain’t got shit to do?

2. Diddy’s quotes make me laugh, ALL the time! “Emotions will have you BROKE!” “Don’t bring God in this with all your petty shit cuz if you do that, you disrespecting God.” LOL Love it.

3. I need to learn to just live life, one day at a time. Rushing never got me anywhere.

4. I hate when people question when you’re trying to do “better.” SMH.

5.Why the fuck did I agree to do this long ass list!? It’s taking too long!

6. Can’t wait to have children (eh, with or without a damn husband!)

7. Sad.

6 Things I do Before Bed

1. Take a shower

2. Watch whatever’s on for the night

3. Think about what I’m going to do tomorrow.

4. Thank God for the day and pray for tomorrow.

5. Check email

6. Masturbate (HA!)

5 People Who Mean Alot

1. Mama and Daddy (they’re one to me)

2. Siblings (I cheated..so what)

3. My niece

4. All my friends

5. ME

4 Things I’m wearing Right Now

1. a robe

2. some granny panties

3. sweat

4. a Barack Obama bracelet

(Yo I just got back from the class and gym…heading to the shower)

3 songs I Listen to Often

1. Pretty Girls Cry-Donnie Klang

2. So What-Danity Kane (umm, really, Dawn)

3. Anything by TI or Trey Songz

2 Things I want 2 do before I die

1. Be successful

2. Travel

1 Confession

Umm, I guess I don’t have one. Oh well!

bye.

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