I always talk about forgiveness and that’s because I am somewhat envious of those around me who are able to forgive without issue.

I say that I can forgive. I say that I DO forgive but in my heart of hearts, I know that I don’t. Not always.

Yesterday, I made a decision that involves forgiveness…or a lack thereof. On one of my social networking sites, my ex boyfriend added me as a friend. Initially, I accepted it. But for some reason, it didn’t sit well with me. No, I don’t think that he added me to see if I was doing as well as I assume he is. I think that he added me because deep down inside, he just wanted to be in touch.

He and I have history. We dated all throughout high school. We broke up when he moved away. But then we got back together during both of our college years and managed to stay together for 3.5 years.

And then he cheated. It’s not that I assumed he cheated b/c of something I heard. It wasn’t because I was insecure and just THOUGHT he would. I caught him. There was no denying what I saw with my own eyes.

Ultimately, we fell apart…if I can’t trust you, I can’t be with you. Period. I went on with my life. He went on with his. Almost four years ago, I went through it. Just a really hard emotional time for me, something that I don’t care to revisit at present but…I was definitely out of my element. During that time, I needed the support of people who knew me. I needed the people who knew everything there was to know about me to “be there.” Now, by this time, I made amends with my ex and we were on speaking terms…so much so that he was planning a trip to come see me. Knowing everything that I was going through…and how many times I literally said “I need you,” he shunned me. And instead of being the friend that I needed him to be, all bullshit to the left…he went and talked ABOUT my problems to someone else. Never once did he speak to me about them. Instead, he let me do the talking, rushed me away and talked about them to someone else. Not in an “I-dont-know-how-to-help-her” tone. It was condescending. Belittling. How did I find out? Well, his friend wasn’t much of a friend b/c he told me. And I confronted the ex. Absolutely no denial.

After that, I couldn’t deal anymore. I figured that it’d be best that I cut my losses with this guy 100%. Our relationship was over…both romantically and on the friendship side. Why hold on?

So that brings us to today. I really do TRY to be a forgiving person but truth be told, I hold grudges. I may physically speak from my mouth that “Yes, I forgive you,” but deep down inside…I probably don’t. I just feel that he did a great job at abandoning me at a time when I needed him most. When I needed him to at least be a friend to me without any type of physical or financial exchange, he went ghost on me and instead, turned into the informant of my problems.

I’m better now…as best as better can be. And while I do wish him well and hope that he thrives in this thing we call life, I can’t say that I can give him 100%. Not now…not ever.

Alrighty, I started the program “over” so to speak b/c I have a friend who just received hers last week and wanted me to work out with her, PLUS two of my readers got theirs last week as well. So I figured, “Why not?”

Instead of starting with the fit test today, I started with Pure Cardio. And today, I just wasn’t “feeling” like working out. I dunno what it is. I think that I’ve kinda lost the mojo. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that I’ll quit but it does mean that my mojo is gone. I have to find ways to pick it back up. I mean, 60 days isn’t THAT long. I think that I’m just annoyed as hell by these thick ass legs that don’t seem to move no matter what I do. It can truly break your motivation, for sure.

But tomorrow is a new day. And I’ll press on…just as I did when I first started this.

Hope you guys have a great week!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter & those who matter, don’t mind.”–Dr. Seuss

This blog entry is going to be kinda long b/c it is a vent session, for one…and two, this is my shit.

My shit, it is….

When I was about two months deep into celebrity entertainment blogging, I read THIS blog entry. Initially, I didn’t “get it” 100% because I hadn’t invested enough time at that point to fully understand. I still had my opinion on it and I can say that my CURRENT thoughts on that particular blog entry is a strong contrast to what it was the first go ’round.

I get it.

Be Nosy, Read More… »

Last week was not a very strong week for me. I worked out and did as I should but more towards the end of the week, I started to indulge in lots of bread, cereal, and rice. Although those things are not bad in moderation, I would say that I had too much. Mind you, I am somewhat bloated (period…if you’re coming, brang your ass. Shit) but I still felt that I indulged too much. For THAT reason, I am repeating week four before heading into the full recovery week that is week 5.

I did Pure Cardio & Cardio Abs today. I don’t like cardio abs and I’m actually thinking of removing that from my workout all together. It’s 15 minutes long but I just don’t like it. I honestly prefer full on crunches or the abroller. That “work your core” shit doesn’t make me feel like I’m working my abs at all so fuck it.

I worked out outside again today and it is REALLY starting to get cold. You’ll read about my cold in a few days, I’m sure.

Take care…

PS: I think Wendy Williams is pretty. She gets the “man” shit a lot just b/c she’s tall and has her face beat like a tranny but I fucking love her ass.

Yes…another day complete. I have made up my mind already…I WILL be doing another round of Insanity when I’m done with this one.

Uh, I don’t really have much to say tonight. Workout was good, dripped buckets. OH I made it through the FULL warmup (all three times) without issue. Wait…I felt like I wanted to die but I didn’t! Yay me!

Enjoy your weekend folks!

Yes, I did both.

On Wednesday, I treated myself to sushi and decided that it’d be fun to have a margarita too. Well, the waitress that always services me when I go into this particular sushi bar was feeling the giving spirit and gave me WAY too much tequila in my ‘rita. Normally, I’d be crunk about this but considering that I usually work out later at night, it was not the business. I sat on the floor for a second…next thing I know, I’m waking up from a nap. So I allowed Wednesday to be my OFF day and decided that today, I would do the workout that was scheduled for Wednesday (Plyometric Cardio Circuit) PLUS the one scheduled for Thursday (Cardio Recovery). I think that’ll actually put me back on track so TECHNICALLY, I could still take Sunday off.

It took me about 2 hours to complete everything. The cardio recovery is so “light” that I didn’t see the harm in doing that with the other workout. I’ll know in the morning. I’ve had too much ‘bread’ this week. Way too much. I’m going to clean it up from here on out but I am a bread addict. Eating a lot of bread usually indicates that my period is not too far away. Blah.

Anyway, I hope that you guys enjoy your weekend. As usual, I will be working out and blogging about it.

Take care!

j

Yes!! I love this chick!! I just love, love, love her!! Thanks to PhreshPrince for the link (I’m on Twitter lockdown right now)!

For those of you who are looking for a workout update, I actually chose to use today as my ‘off’ day. I was sleepy as hell today and took a nap (uh, after sushi and a margarita with WAY too much liquor in it). I’m back on it later today though!

See ya!

I did today’s workout outside b/c there was a slight complaint about the jumping. Heh…

Initially, I took that as a queue to say that I wouldn’t do it anymore but then I remembered how great it felt to complete week one…then week two, etc. So yea, I took the laptop outside and worked it out out there. I thought I’d be ‘aight’ cuz it was a little cool outside (get INTO this shitty NC weather lol) but after the 3rd leg of the warm up, I was already drenched in sweat. I swear I freakin’ LOVE Insanity. I think that after this round is up, I am going to do another round. My 60 days is officially up on November 21st. I miscounted before…I was including my “off” day as part of the 60 days. So yea…right before Thanksgiving. How cute.

Anyway, it’s an awesome program. I couldn’t sing its praises enough. And I’m happy to be 20 days into it with only 40 more to go. These weeks fly by quickly!

Well, that’s about it. OH and by the way…I dunno why but for whatever reason, smiley faces show up on this blog SUPER huge. So if you guys could refrain from doing any smiley faces, that’d be great! I know that sounds rude as hell but I usually have to go in and edit your comment (ONLY removing the smiley) b/c it shows up really large. Not sure how to fix it and don’t care to figure it out LOL! Just an FYI….

Hope your workout was as good as mine!

Peace!

…and for some reason, today is mine.

By nature, I am a moody person and admittedly can be difficult to deal with because of said moods. But this has less to do with my whimsical mood swings and more to do with questioning “What’s the point?” I don’t even know why I’m bothering to blog about this b/c it’ll only be fodder for the next episode of “lets-attack-Jia-just-because.” But whatever…I’m human and entitled to feel however I want (even if it’s not necessarily wanted).

I dunno…I just feel that I am doing the absolute most for NO reason. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that I lack as much patience as I’d like to have OR I’m sick of running into the same walls. No matter what the cause, color me annoyed, frustrated, upset, unmotivated, bored, helpless and make it two rounds of ‘all the above’ cuz it’s just not a good one for me.

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